U.S.A. 
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General
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_ /\_¸.·¤**¤·.¸,.·¤**¤·.
\ / *¸.·¤**¤·.¸,.·¤**¤·.
/.·*·.\¸.·¤**¤·.¸,.·¤**¤·. USA
*God* *Bless* *AMERICA*
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Femal Brain vs. Male Brain
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General
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In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room,
where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and
somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he
surveyed the
worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain
transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only
hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay
for the
brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After
a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a
brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and
$200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile,
avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually
smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the
question everyone wanted to ask,
"Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to
the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have
to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been
used."
So there we have it folks, WOMEN RULE!!!
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(No title)
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never say to a cop:
1. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
2. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
3. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
4. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
5. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
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Avoiding U
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I am not here so leave a message. Well actually I could be here and I could just be ignoring you and you would never know. I could be sitting here laughing at you because I am avoiding you and you don't know it. Okay, I'll make a deal with you. If you can guess correctly whether or not I'm here I will talk to you. Then again, if I'm not here and you guess right then I'm really just not here to talk to you. Also if I'm ignoring you and you guess right, then what do you really think are the chances that I'll tell you that you were right? So, I guess what I'm saying is leave a message and I'll get back to you when I return... unless I'm avoiding you.
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Right and Left
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Lets talk rights and lefts. Yes, you're right. I left.
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Priceless
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Computer: $1500.00
DSL: $30.00 a month
AOL: $15.00 a month
Putting up this away message to ignore you: Priceless
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Tough Question
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The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
Which statement is true?
I'll leave it at that until I come back.
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Riding Horses
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I have gone to ride the horses at wal-mart. I will be back when I run out of quarters.
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I'm Away
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I am away from my computer right now. Far away. Not even close. In fact, someone could be stealing my computer right now and I wouldn't know. So if someone starts talking to you and it doesn’t sound like me, don’t worry, it’s probably a burglar. Just keep him busy until I get back, that way he can’t get away. You know, just bombard him with IM’s and annoy the mess out of him so he gets distracted from his work like you always do to me. Thanks, I owe ya one!
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(No title)
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-:¦:- °§omewhere there'§ §omeone who dream§ of your §mile and find§ in your pre§ence that life i§ worth while. §o when you are lonely, remember it'§ true...§omebody, §omewhere i§ thinking of you.° -:¦:-
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Amish Virus
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You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.
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Ponder This
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Ponder This:
1. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown?
2. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
3. Why do they report power outages on TV?
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Dreaming
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~*If the only way that I can be with you is in my dreams, then let me sleep forever*~
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I'll be right back
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Je serai bon dos- French
Ich bin rechte Rückseite- German.
Sarò giusta parte posteriore- Italian
Eu serei parte traseira direita- Portuguese.
Seré parte posteriora derecha- Spanish
I'll be right back- English.
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thought i had you
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I thought I had you blocked??
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No Idea
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I smile because I have no idea what's goin on.
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RealWorld
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Why is it that every adult says, "Welcome to the real world"? What world have we been living in? It just doesn't make sense...we're at school...living on an average of 5-6 hours of sleep a night, classes all day, jobs, and various other obligations...for the most part we are able to pull it all off and still make the grades....but we aren't in the "real world"??? When exactly are we given this right of deception...to tell those younger "welcome to the real world" as if they've been roaming around all their life outside of this great universe?
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Laundry
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In the beginning the world was without form, and void. And God said 'Let there be light'. And God separated the light from the dark. And did two loads of laundry.
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Im away
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I can't talk on the computer now, so if, well, actually, I CAN talk on the computer now, I mean, like, I'm at the computer NOW, writing this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're reading it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're reading it... I mean, like, wait, ahhh. This is so confusing.
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Music
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Blasting my music to see if I can wake the neighbors up, if I don’t come back soon, they probably called the cops on me.
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Whatever
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Whatever you just said, I totally agree with you
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who left their comp cuz they had to pee
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who lives in a pine-apple under the sea?
spongbob squarepants!
who left their comp cuz they had to pee?
(your first and last name)!
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Changes
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Hello. You have reached the screen name you have clicked on. Mhhmm. I'm makin' changes in my life. So leave your message here and if you don't get a response... You're one of the changes.
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Fat Kid
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I'm like the fat kid in dodgeball~ I'm out!
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Not Telling
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So the little yellow note beside my sn wasn't enough for u was it?...Guess not....and u thought I was going to tell u what I am doing? Haha not...if you are so curious then why don't u IM me instead of clicking "Get Info"? It's pretty easy.
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World record online time
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I'm gone from my computer for a long period of time (hours; or, in Internet time, millenia). Why, you ask, do I not simply log off from my screen name? The answer is simple: I'm trying to achieve the world record length of "Online time", as shown when my buddies (who obviously have nothing better to do) hover their mouse over my screen name. Now, how do I contact Guinness?
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Chicken Chase
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Im being chased by 6 chickens that want my butterfinger! but THEY CANT HAVE IT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Ill be back as soon as i run them over w/ my barbie car! ^_~ lol
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Hunting
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If it's called tourist season, why can't you shoot at them?
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(No title)
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dude i cant find my keyboard
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Insulted by computer
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the computer is not my friend right now, he started insulting me, and...well, lets just say one thing let to another and we just need some time apart for a while
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Forgotten
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Your message has been read, organized, filed, and forgotten. Thanks for your time!
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Are you gulible?
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Are you too gulible? Just send me 1,000 dollars and you will be cured!
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When Life gives you lemons
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When Life gives you lemons, chase life down squeeze the lemons in his eyes and say, "Make ur own lemonade!!U>
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Definition of "Away"
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a·way [ a wáy ] adverb. in another place: not in the particular place or the place where somebody usually is, especially at home or at work.
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forget studying
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Do you really think that if i sleep with my book under my pillow all the information i need to know will soak into my brain? Well as a last resort im gonna try it, Ill let u know how it goes after my test tomorrow....
GNIGHT
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Shh!
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Shhh! %n will know I'm avoiding him.
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Move over, Cheney
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Due to heightened security measures, {Your name} has been transported to and is currently working in an undisclosed secret location. He will return when the Secret Service determines that the threat of terrorist IMs has subsided.
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Ignorance
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If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren't more people happy?
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Homeless
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Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest??
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twice the ride
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I found my angel
The love of my life
He gave me his wings
Cuz he knew I could fly
He saw it in my eyes
That I don’t belong on the ground
He opened my soul
And heaven is what I found
With his touch to guide me through
No more yesterdays only the new
Forever isn’t long enough to be by your side
So when death come knocking promise me we run and hide
Reality holds only a small amount of time
So lets make love in our dreams so we can have twice the ride
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I spy (bored)
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"I Spy a B, I spy an O, I spy a R, I spy an E, I spy a D" Did u find them?¿ If u did u no what I am feeling right NOW!
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Love
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Loving you is like Oxygen, I need you to live.
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Broken
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((Your Name))'s computer is broken right now. This is her fridge. Now, you can leave a message, but say it slowly, so I can write it on a post-it note and stick it to myself.
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Stop it
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I'm busy. If you don't stop IMing me, you'll be staring at a screen full of your own messages.
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(No title)
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A paper's due! A paper's Due!
That's why I'm ignoring you.
Please don't take it personally
Please don't cry yourself to sleep.
'Cause when it's said and when it's done
I'll come back and we'll have fun
But if I die from lack of sleep
I pray that I my 'A' might keep!
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(No title)
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I left. I don't know where I am. Do you know where I am? Do you know where you are? Are you lost? Did you find you? I found you. You're there at your computer. But I'm not here. So then I guess I'm over there some where.
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talking to yourself
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Have you ever made fun of those crazy people on the corners of streets that talk to themselves? well.......go to your bathroom. are you there? good. .....now look in your mirror........and see the person in the mirror?........Thats who you have been talkin to this whole time.
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I'm Here
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I'm already here, just take a look around.
I'm the sunshine on your hair.
I'm the shadow on your ground.
I'm the whisper in your wind
and i'll be here 'til the end.
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was never here
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believe it or not, i was never here in the first place... :-/
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Confused
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Do you get confused when I confuse you, casue you know I could confuse you, I could confuse you just by looking at you, are you confused now cause I think I could confuse you, Do you think I confused me not you I think I confused you and you are just denying you, Oh what ever I am not CONFUSING
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Bridge
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I'm not here...So Cry me a River...Build me a Bridge...And GET OVER IT.
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ill be right back
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I know something you dont know, would you like to know? I could tell you if you want? You do wanna know? Are you sure? Because once I tell you theres no turning back ya know... you're going to be enlightened and theres gonna be no way around it. You really wanna know though? Alright, since youre so anxious to find out I'll tell you.... Here it is:
Im not here right now, Ill brb
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GLEEEEEP
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Hey I dont like you so leave me alone or else....
Trust me want to know what happened to the kid who didnt leave me alone?...
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bored
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hi
my name is your name
what is yours
im either away, sleeping, eating or hangin
please o please leave me a message.
because none of thats true because i am so bored that im just sittin here waitin for some one to im me.
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(No title)
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Buddy Info for {Your name} is not available.
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(No title)
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This space for rent.
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im out
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Strike One
Strike Two
Strike Three
I'm Out
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Tennis head
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Hey %n! Guess what? I'm out playing tennis right now. And, to make me hit better I'll pretend it's your head!
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Away
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I am not here. You may have already come to that conclusion based on the fact that i have a little yellow note next to my screenname. If you were too stupid to understand this, then I will tell you now, I am not here. If you want to talk to me, too bad. Sorry.
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(No title)
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Hi I'm {Your name}'s mom
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Spongebob
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OH WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? SPONGEBOB SQAUREPANTS! ABSORBANT AND YELLOW AND POURUS IS HE! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SUMTHING U WISH! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! hi i am away from the computer. as u can tell i am watching spongebob.
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Space Travel
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"Gone to the moon be Back in a Few"
-Subra
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Sitcom ad
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{Your name}: Intrigue. Drama. Comedy. Horror. All new episodes starting this season! The world's longest-running sitcom, only on AOL IM!
And you just wait until I get a webcam. Imagine Seinfeld, Survivor, and America's Funniest Home Videos, all rolled into one great show!
We'll be right back after this short commercial break...
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Typewriter
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I am away from my typewriter right now.
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(No title)
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What is up with these away messages? Why does %n have to know where i am every second of the day? Well lemme tell u somethin %n u aint my mamma. CYA! im outtie
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Strangers
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Didn't your mommy tell you not to type to strangers?
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fat camp
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I'm at fat camp,BrB...I'm buying Twinkies -$30 each
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tv and a shower
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watching some mind-numbing tv and chowing down on Pecos Bill's beef jerky, then taking a shower. and then more tv and dried meat. just leave me a message...or just give me a reason to stop paying attention to the boob-tube and finish binging on smoked meats, and get outta the steambath sooner.
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log off
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I am logged off right now!!!can't talk to me
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busy with aol
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I am busy using AOL Instant Messenger
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Piano Lessons
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General
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Somethin' I can wait for to start. Something I can't wait for to end. Piano Lessons. LEAVE A MESSAGE. I'LL GET BACK TO YA.
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Poor Annie
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Annie was born, with legs counting eight, where she was going, was her biggest debate, some legs pulled this way, while others would stall, poor little Annie, didnt get far at all.
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(No title)
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%n Leave me a message
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