Trix the Rabbit 
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Quotes/Parodies
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Yeah, and what is it about Trix the Rabbit. He just wants some cereal. Those little jerks sit there and say "Oh no, you can't have any." And then when they eat it, the world turns colorful, everyone except the Rabbit. He stays white. So this obviously isn't a sharing problem, it is racism.
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Birth and death
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Quotes/Parodies
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When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are smiling and everyone around you is crying.
-Unknown
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You
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Quotes/Parodies
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Why would you try so hard to fit in ...
When you were born to stand out .. -?-
-Unknown
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Lemon juice
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Quotes/Parodies
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If life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirt-gun and shoot other people in the eyes.
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Stupid People
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Quotes/Parodies
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The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
-Anonymous
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Man or Woman
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Quotes/Parodies
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Do you want to talk to the man in charge, Or the woman who knows what is going on?
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Driving Habits
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Quotes/Parodies
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If you don’t like the way I drive,
Then get off the sidewalk!
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Banging your head
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Quotes/Parodies
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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories and hour.
You'd better get started.
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Bill Cosby
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Quotes/Parodies
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“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.” — Bill Cosby
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Truck Driver
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Quotes/Parodies
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A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that says "Low Bridge Ahead". Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a cop car comes up. The cop gets out of the car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hand on his hips, and says "Got stuck, eh?" and the truck driver says, "No I was delivering this bridge and i ran outta gas."
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Bill Cosby
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Quotes/Parodies
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“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” — Bill Cosby
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When everything feels good . . .
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Quotes/Parodies
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Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
-Unknown
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William Blake
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Quotes/Parodies
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“A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.” — William Blake
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William Penn
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Quotes/Parodies
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“He that lives to live forever never fears dying.” — William Penn
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Abraham Lincoln
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Quotes/Parodies
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“Whatever you are, be a good one.” — Abraham Lincoln
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Destiny
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Quotes/Parodies
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Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
~William Jennings Bryan
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Mind Games
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Quotes/Parodies
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Maybe I'm not here. Maybe I am here, and I'm just waiting to see what you type when you think I'm gone. Maybe this whole away message is just a mind game. Maybe not.
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Mark Twain
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Quotes/Parodies
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“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain
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Abraham Lincoln
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Quotes/Parodies
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“And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years.” — Abraham Lincoln
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Volleyballocracy
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Quotes/Parodies
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"We should have a Volleyballocracy, in which we elect a six-pack of presidents. Each one serves until they mess up, at which point they rotate."
-- Dennis Miller
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Booker T. Washington
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Quotes/Parodies
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“You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.” — Booker T. Washington
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Dr. Suess writes Tolkein
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Quotes/Parodies
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"Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring!
I am too small to carry this thing!
I can not, will not hold the One.
You have a slim chance; I have none.
I will not take it on a boat,
I will not go across a moat.
I cannot take it under Moria,
that's one thing I can't do for ya.
I would not bring it into Mordor,
I would not make it to the border."
-The Lord of the Rings, as written by Dr. Suess
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C.S. Lewis
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Quotes/Parodies
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“Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say <i>infinitely</i> when you mean <i>very</i>; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.” — C.S. Lewis
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Nas
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Quotes/Parodies
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"I never sleep, 'cause sleep is the cousin of death."
Nas, "The World is Yours"
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Booker T. Washington
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Quotes/Parodies
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“I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.” — Booker T. Washington
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looters
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Quotes/Parodies
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im sure that looters don't call it "looting." they probably call it "extreme shopping."
-unknown
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under construction
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Quotes/Parodies
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The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-McGregor's Revised Maxim
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time and place exist?
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Quotes/Parodies
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"Asking where I am would require me to agree to the idea that time and place exist, an idea in which I am not ready to concede as being true."
-unknown
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Henry Ward Beecher
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Quotes/Parodies
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“Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.” — Henry Ward Beecher
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Mark Twain
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Quotes/Parodies
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“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
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C.S. Lewis
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Quotes/Parodies
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“The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.” — C.S. Lewis
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Anthony Shaftesbury
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Quotes/Parodies
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“Giving advice is sometimes only showing our wisdom at the expense of another.” — Anthony Shaftesbury
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Gamaliel Bailey
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Quotes/Parodies
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“What men call accident is the doing of God's providence.” — Gamaliel Bailey
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forgeries of jealousy
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Quotes/Parodies
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These are the forgeries of jealousy
And never since the middle summer's spring
Met we on hill, in dale, forest or mead
By paved fountain, or by rushy brook
Or in the beached margent of the sea
To dance our ringlets to the whistling wind
But with thy brawls thou hast disturbed our sport
Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain
As in revenge have sucked up from the sea
Contagious fogs; which, falling in the land
Have every pelting river made so proud
That they have overborn their continents.
-Lines of Titania from A Midsummer Night's Dream, by William Shakespeare.
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Abraham Lincoln
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Quotes/Parodies
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“Important principles may and must be inflexible.” — Abraham Lincoln
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